Standing At The Edge of The World

When you are standing at the end of the world, what will you have to look back and say, “I did that?” 

I know I have not been writing for a long time. But that doesn’t mean my head isn’t ticking or experiencing new things. It has been over 2.5 months since I got back from my second European adventure…and one month 10 days before I leave for my third.

So many things have changed since I began this blog. I had a crazy summer of 2008, then I found love and was separated from it through his national military service. I took my adventures through Italy, Spain and dabbled in Ireland for a couple months.

I came home to friends I didn’t know anymore. They were the familiarity I longed for, but their unexcepting ways lead me into a semi state of limbo. I got a job at a hotel I didn’t care and was extremely overqualified for. I fantasized about my love I left in Greece, and what is in store for me when I return. But was it the love of the lifestyle or the love for this man I had barely known? This man haunted my dreams, and sparkled in my future…yet there was an undertone of mystery that surrounded him and this “relationship” we had began. I wrote love letter after love letter giving him my heart and rolling the dice on that this was it, this was the one. But in my mind I was confused, and yet I pretended like I knew.

I returned to Greece for round two in early April. Embarrassed by my pale skin and my lack of Greek. The summer of 2009 was an eye opener because I realized how much I had grown inside as a woman and adult. Yes, I was still crazy blonde haired American VIP girl, but something inside me changed. My love for the island turned into a darkness and a path of distress. I separated myself from new comers to the island, probably girls that I needed most. The fights of me and my love skyrocketed with jealousy and stress and how we just wanted a normal life off this island. The summer eventually came to an end, curing the island of the sex, drugs and evil it inhabits during the summers. The sex thriving mouths and bodies of the tainted tourists slowly disappeared and the sin was being washed away by the elders of Mykonos.

The island transformed almost over night from a sick and twisted neverland jungle, into a place of angels and light. The Aegean sea spoke to me once again, loving me and allowing me to dance in the waves. I told it my stories of the summer and asked to teach me forgiveness, for I know not how to forgive the ones that have tortured my naive heart. I hurt from still not understanding where I belong, or if moving here for a love that defied my trust was worth what my life was meant to be. I swam for the first time in her waves, for I am afraid of the depths of the sea. She taught me confidence and gave me strength to fight my fears and follow my heart.

My love came to visit me in the United States. After living together for 9 months, we have been to the rock bottom and to the moon. Through rumors of cheating, to actual cheating, we have prevailed and are healing our wounds that Mykonos constantly supplied with salt.

As much as I try to let Mykonos rest for the winter, the whispers of Greek music echos in my head and creep into my dreams. ‘Thelo na se ksanado,’ i want to see you again…no matter where I turn the beautiful evil and eye of the storm that is Mykonos churns in my blood and forces me to surrender to its’ lure.